fog and dust and dirtHow many of my friends killed themselves before we even metfog and dust and dirt by ClamShellHeart
throwing their aching souls against cliffs of stones so smooth even
the roots of the trees couldn't hold on,
breaking their nails dragging their fingers
through the fog and dust and the dirt that they brought down after them
that would bury them
at the bottom.
I fell to my knees like an ugly movie,
crumpled to the ground because my bones were
only erect with tensely stretched skin,
and the wind had suddenly stopped.
On my mattress I spread my arms and legs
and offered the smooth surface of pain to whatever had taken Kyle
but it didn’t want a body so unbroken
so I broke myself
as though that would affect change.
The deep gashes he left behind
bore light through the people who felt his absence,
a terrible light so bright it hurt to look at
I tattooed it on my skin,
an indication of the precious pieces
I carry in myself,
though it doesn’t have his eyes to see the mountains and lakes,
or his heart to skip a be
Thread (yarn)Tall, tall grass,Thread (yarn) by ClamShellHeart
a sliding glass window,
seven lanes of traffic,
and the opening door of a bus:
all the things I walk through,
you might see through,
if you would turn to look down
at me eight floors below.
When that door closes it’s
behind and beyond me,
at least to you.
But it might as well be between us,
for all the paths it seals as it
inches down the boulevard
towards the city.
If there was ever a heartstring between us
do all the closing doors wear it down?
Cotton fraying around polyester,
stretching as you drive west,
I tumble east,
bent around buildings and
stopped at red lights.
Returning again, the thing between us is
unable to unstretch.
I look down at the bus stop through the window.
I don’t know where you look.
Wax and WaterWax and water will never togetherWax and Water by ClamShellHeart
Because they can't both bare the weather,
Water at lower and higher degrees
Will only compel wax to freeze.
Kyle 2i’ve been to Lakeview without Kyle, while he was still alive.Kyle 2 by ClamShellHeart
he used to dig these huge, person-sized holes in the sand, we took
pictures with 6, 7, 8 of us inside and smiling in bathing suits and
covered in sand.
was he still there, filled in at the waterline below the beach then?
is he there, now that’s he’s gone? in the threads that bodies trail
as they move through time